The Family Apparatus
by SunnyDazeSweepin'CloudsAway
Summary: Uprooted more times than she could count, head in the clouds, Celeste lived her whole life traveling with the circus. That is until a tragic accident leaves her hospitalized, an orphan and eventually in the Cullen's care. Follow this acrobat as she adjusts to a more domestic way of life, while coping with the never ending changes in her heart.
1. Walk on the Tiptoe

The Family Apparatus

Chapter 1: Walk on the Tiptoe

* * *

It was cold, quiet, and dark.

From the minute I could feel myself start to wake up, I knew something wasn't right. After trying to roll onto my side for another few minutes of sleep, and something was tugging at my arm harshly, I finally opened my eyes to figure out what was wrong.

It was my right arm that was holding me back; there were several different tubes and needles taking and giving different fluids. My left arm was wrapped up in a hard, white cast. My head was pounding at a million miles a minute, and I was trying to remember how I ended up in this mess. No sign of either of my parents was in the bare looking room. A wooden door on the right, a small window on the left, and just my bed in the middle.

That's when it hit me.

There must have been some kind of accident tonight. Blood curdling screams, a fall that could've been prevented, creaking metal. All three of us were there, but why was I alone?

A beeping noise from the machine to my left started going off, causing me to turn quickly to try and see what was happening. I could feel my heart rate start to pick up in panic of the unfamiliar situation, but I still wasn't sure what was really going on here.

Not too long after, an older looking woman with cartoon puppies all over her scrubs walked into my room and over to the monitor. "Oh, you're up!" She exclaimed, looking a little shocked that I was sitting up in the hard bed and looking around. After looking her over from the pink scrunchie holding up her messy hair to her shiny name tag with the name _Paula_ printed on it, down to her squeaky-clean white sneakers, "We were beginning to wonder how much longer we could allow you to sleep for."

I raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Let me sleep?" I asked, "How long have I been in here? Are my parents down the hall or something?"

The older woman grabbed my chart and a tool to take my blood pressure. She silently wrapped the device around my upper arm and stared at her watch, "118 over 78, very good Miss. Tiber. And how would you say your pain is on a scale from zero to ten?" She asked, passing me a chart with different faces on them trying to gage pain.

"Um…like a seven or an eight?" I answered, not sure of my answer, "But what about my mom and dad? Evelyn and Abraham Tiber?"

She finished writing something down in her notes before looking up. "Let me get your doctor, dear." Nurse Paula sighed, flashing a cheesy smile my way before setting down my chart at the end of the bed, and leaving the room.

The room was quiet again, the monitor that must have been tracking my heart rate slower than it was before.

It wasn't too long before, who I assumed was my doctor, entered the room. A tall, young looking doctor with blond hair and a muscular but not buff looking body grabbed the chart from the end of the bed. "Celeste Tiber, I'm Dr. Cullen." He introduced himself with a soft smile on his face. He wore the stereotypical white doctor's coat, a light blue dress shirt underneath, with black stethoscope around his neck.

Before I could become fixed with this man's looks, I got right down to asking the questions I needed answered, "How long have I been asleep Dr. Cullen? That nurse made it seem like I've been sleeping for days or something."

"You were asleep for about thirteen hours." He answered honestly, comparing numbers on the chart and monitor, "Hopefully you feel more well rested."

I shrugged, feeling some pain in my shoulders when I did so. "What about my parents? Their names are Evelyn and Abraham Tiber. If this happened to me, they could be in here too. How bad are they?"

It was quiet for a moment, and I could hear the young man sigh when he figured out what he wanted to say. "There was an accident Miss. Tiber." The doctor began, coming to sit on the stool on the left side of the bed, "Whoever was responsible for setting up the apparatus that you and your family used did not do so properly and there was a serious malfunction. You are a lucky girl."

"And my parents?" I asked, a pit forming in my stomach at what the possible answer could be.

He shook his head slightly, "I am sorry, but your parents were killed on impact with the ground."

Time seemed to freeze at that moment. You could hear a pin drop two doors down without even trying too hard. The tears in my eyes were threatening to spill over, but I held them back as best as I could.

After a few deep breaths, I forced myself to look up at Dr. Cullen. "I need to see them." I said quietly, trying to keep my voice as steady as possible, "They're my parents…and if that really happened, I…I want to say goodbye."

"I need to talk to Dr. Davis to allow you that clearance." Dr. Cullen answered gently, "But before I can do any of that, we still have a handful of tests to run through."

I nodded, allowing the nice doctor to help me sit up in bed so he could run the tests that he needed to. All of the exams that he did were basic physical ones: my heart beat, my lungs, looking at my eyes and ears. It was quick and painless, with neither of us speaking.

The last test finished, and Dr. Cullen stood up from his stool slowly. "Other than your arm, the stitches on your head, and the mild dehydration, you have a clean bill of health!" The doctor smiled, "And I've called my wife to see if she can bring by a more comfortable outfit for you to wear during your time in the hospital."

"Oh, you don't have to do that Dr. Cullen." I felt my face warm up at the doctor's statement. "This…gown thing is fine."

He smiled, setting down the chart after one last look, "My wife likes to make sure that the patients who stay here for a while are comfortable if they don't have someone to bring them comforts for them. It is not a bother at all."

I didn't say anything, all I could do was nod in thanks. It was half embarrassing and half saddening. To have a complete stranger, your doctor's wife no less, go out of their way to bring you clothes because you don't have anyone else who will do it for you.

Dr. Cullen left, closing the door behind him. I looked to the tiny window on the wall, trying to get a glimpse of what my view would be from my spot on the bed. But, I couldn't get a good look to see what was out there.

Maybe ten minutes later, a knock on the door signaled someone was about to enter. Nurse Paula is there with a wheelchair, along with another older looking doctor. His hair was white as snow and his face was covered with a long beard. He didn't have a doctor's coat on, but there were band-aids on his tie.

"Miss. Tiber, this is Dr. Davis." Nurse Paula introduced, "He approved your visit to the mortuary to see your parents."

Dr. Davis approached the bed, offering for me to shake his hand. I did, with the one all the IV tubes were attached to. "Thank you for letting me see them sir."

He carefully shook it, "On behalf of all of the staff at Saint Luke's Hospital, we are sorry for your loss."

I just nodded, knowing that I would be getting a lot of those conversation starters for a long time. Silently, both of them thankfully reading the room, nurse Paula helped me out of the bed and into the wheelchair so that they could bring me to where my parents' bodies were.

It was the worst five minutes of my life. Quiet, cold, sterile and creepy. It had to be really early in the morning because there were no noises and people walking around. We were the only people in the hall.

Once we reached the room, I was wheeled up to two tables. The only part of their bodies that wasn't covered by a blanket were their faces. Mom's usually flawless skin was bruised up and Dad's black hair was all over the place. They looked like ghosts. Or zombies. Or…not real.

"Miss. Tiber, I know this is a hard situation for you, but I need you to confirm the identities of these individuals." The older man's voice requested from behind me. "Can you do that?"

I nodded, reaching out my casted arm carefully to brush some hair away from my mom's face. "Yeah…these are my parents, sir." I affirmed, "Evelyn and Abraham Tiber." Scratching on a notepad could be heard behind me and I assumed that they had to fill out some forms.

They must've said they were going to give me a minute or two because when I stood up from the chair to stand closer to them, no one stopped me or helped me up. I wanted to take this moment to really look them over. Try and remember mom's beautiful, contagious smile. Try and remember dad's encouraging, firm voice. Try and remember all the hours working through our routine to make sure we were safe.

To try and remember what exactly happened for them to be gone. "How did this happen?" I said to the air, "What happened to me that I didn't end up where you are?"

"Thankfully, you landed on something that braced your impact." A voice answered quietly from behind me, "Your skull did open, but you remained conscious until we could sedate you to get your stitched up and some rest." It was Dr. Cullen's voice.

I closed my eyes, trying to remember anything, "We all fell…in slow motion." I whispered, not looking up, "There was screaming, and I think I might have been bleeding. But I can't remember anything else."

"Patients can block out traumatic events." The doctor explained. Finally, I turned around to look the man in the face, "It is still somewhere in your mind, but it may take time to recall it."

My body was beginning to feel weak, but I didn't want to say goodbye. Not yet. Not ever. While I still had the energy in my bones, I gently leaned down to place a small kiss on each of their foreheads. A few tears escaped my eyes when I sat back down in the wheelchair with my hands in my lap.

Thankfully, Dr. Cullen knew that was my wordless way of saying I was alright to leave. He wheeled me back to my room in silence, neither of us having anything to say. When we were in the elevator, thoughts about what was going to happen to be came into my mind. "So…what's next?" I asked when the door of the elevator opened.

"Dr. Davis is looking for a social worker to take your case." He explained, giving me a smile when I turned to look up at him, "That person will help you find your match with a foster family."

Foster family. My heart sunk into my stomach.

Dr. Cullen continued talking. "I called my wife and she is still planning on bringing in clothes later this morning."

The elevator opened and we left down the hall, making a right to where my room must have been. "And I want you to speak with a therapist during your time here, as well as when you are discharged."

That caused me to scrunch my face up in distaste, and he couldn't hold back a laugh. "Why do I need to go talk to someone? I'm not crazy."

"Therapists are there for anyone to talk to." The kind doctor explained, opening the door to my room, "You are going through many difficult changes all at once, and I believe that having a professional to talk with can help you sort through difficult decisions that you'll have to make."

If it was doctor's orders, there was no use in fighting it.

Dr. Cullen held out his hands for me to brace onto while I sat up from the chair. They were ice cold, but gentle and helped me stand and make it to my bed. My body was exhausted and I felt myself sink into the hard mattress.

A chunky remote was pushed into my hand and the good-looking doctor pointed to a large red button. "This is the nurse call button. If you push this, either nurse Paula, another staff member, or myself will be here to help you."

I nodded, putting it down next to me. "Thank you."

"Try and get some more rest." He reasoned, "But if you can't, this remote is also for the small TV. Feel free to find something to watch."

Again, I nodded in understanding, "Okay…have a good night Dr. Cullen."

He smiled and left the room, dimming the lights behind him. I was left alone with my thoughts, everything that happened in the short amount of time that I was here was piling onto me at the moment. The pain, not only in my body, but in my heart too was almost too much. I tried to roll onto my right side to get some rest, but I knew that sleep would be the last thing I would get tonight.


	2. Hold My Breath

The Family Apparatus

Chapter 2: Hold My Breath

* * *

The next day was full of different meetings and tests.

All morning, I was moved from room to room for different test. A few X-Rays, a CT Scan, even something on a treadmill. Thankfully, the IVs were removed from my arm so I had a better night's rest.

After I had lunch, something that they were trying to pass off as pulled pork, I met my social worker.

She walked in, owning the room with a confidence that told me she knew what she was doing because of experience. Georgia Thomas, a dark-skinned woman in an outdated suit and carrying a lot of paper work. She sat and explained to me because I have no other living relatives, that she would be looking for a foster family that would match well with me. I had asked if there was any chance I could just go back to the circus instead. I'd be sixteen in a few months and everyone there is pretty much family anyways. Ms. Thomas explained that the only way I'd be able to go back is if one of them were to sign for my guardianship.

The rest of the night was spent alone.

I rang for help once, hoping that it would be Dr. Cullen. For some reason, I really wanted to talk to the man. Even if it was just for him to say that I was recovering well or some kind of doctor talk. The only sign that he was there at some point was a bag with an outfit inside: athletic pants that were a size too big, a ginormous band t-shirt, and a purple zip up that hung on my body. But, a preppy nurse named Tina came in instead. When I asked where the nice doctor was, she explained that he'd be back tomorrow. That he worked the night shift and was probably at home with his own family.

Instead of pressing for more information, I decided to ask if there was something that I could read. There was nothing good on TV, and I thought there'd be something better in a book. She couldn't find any books, but brought back a few trashy magazines. Let's just say, they didn't get picked up or looked through once.

* * *

It was an early rise in the morning. Thankfully, I was able to get up and use the bathroom by myself this morning. I limped over to the small bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror while I tried to pick up my spirits. My ash brown hair was knotted, there were large dark circles under my light blue eyes, and a row of stitches starting at my left eyebrow and going all the way to my hairline.

After splashing some water on my face, and using the comb that the hospital provided, I hobbled out of the room and back to my bed.

"Good morning Celeste." A voice greeted me, causing me to jump a little in surprise.

It was Dr. Cullen, sporting a purple shirt under his doctor's coat today. What also surprised me was that he wasn't alone, but wasn't with a nurse. She was just as beautiful as the doctor she stood by: curly long caramel hair, short but not as short as me, and a welcoming twinkle in her golden-brown eyes. The woman looked just a tiny bit older than Dr. Cullen, but not by much. She held a reusable grocery bag in her hands, appearing to be full with things.

"Um…hello." I greeted awkwardly, only assuming who this stranger was.

She smiled, setting down the bag on the counter top. "Celeste, this is my wife Esme." Dr. Cullen introduced, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close, "Love, this is Celeste Tiber."

The woman looked like she wanted to escape from her husband's embrace and give me a hug, but she stopped herself. "It's wonderful to finally meet you. Carlisle has been talking about you non-stop."

I raised an eyebrow, "He must do that with all of his patients, right?" They both laughed quietly, and my face began to warm.

Esme shook her head, "No dear, not as much as he's talked about you." It fell quiet after that, and I made my way to sit on my bed.

"Thanks for the clothes Mrs. Cullen." I said quietly, trying to change the subject.

Both Cullen's must have been looking me up and down. I was still in the baggy clothes from yesterday, not really wanting to change back into the gown. "Well, I'm glad we went with Alice's wardrobe instead of Rosalie's." Esme tried to joke.

I looked up at the mention of their children's names. "Oh, um…you have two daughters?"

"And three sons." Dr. Cullen answered, moving the stool over to my bedside while his wife took a seat at the chair near the window, "We're a large brood." All I could do was nod.

The room grew quiet again, none of us really knowing what to say. "I thought I'd make you some home cooked meals while you're here Celeste." Esme said, reaching for the bag behind her. There were several Tupperware dishes inside, all full to the brim with food, "I wasn't sure about what you would like, but you cannot go wrong with vegetable soup."

A small smile crept on my face when I saw all of the meals she had made. It reminded me of my mom, when we would be traveling cross country and not making many stops. She would stay up all night making food for us who ever lived in the car next to ours. "Soup is great ma'am, thank you. Just what I need."

Esme smiled, genuine and large. "And my nurses tell me that you met with Ms. Thomas yesterday?" Dr. Cullen asked, helping Esme put the meals back into the bag in a neat pile.

That caused the happy smile to fall a little. "Yeah, we talked."

"You don't like her?" He asked, sounding genuinely concerned that I didn't like her.

I had to shake my head quickly to clear that up. "No, she was really nice…I guess it's just a really…bad situation in general." I bit my lip, looking down at my hands in my lap. The sweatshirt was so large that my hands were hidden under the sleeves.

Of course it was a bad situation! My parents were dead, I was going to be taken out of the circus, the only family I've ever known, and moved into a house with people I didn't know.

A hand was placed onto of mine, causing me to look up. It was Esme, a sympathetic look on her face. "Celeste, I am sorry for your loss. And I am sorry that you will be going through these changes alone. But, if you need any support, Carlisle and myself are more than happy to help." The woman paused, turning to her husband to watch him nod in confirmation, "We have been through these things before, with our own situations as well as with our own children. If you need anything, please do not hesitate to ask."

It was almost like there was a wave of reassurance and familiarity that covered the room at that moment. These people, these strangers, were willing to help and offer advice to another stranger. I've never known a doctor who would go to these lengths to help a patient out.

"I don't want to be any trouble Mrs. Cullen." I answered quietly, "You and Dr. Cullen don't need to worry about me. You've already done so much, and I can't even think of where to begin to repay you both."

"Repay us by recovering." Dr. Cullen answered, standing from his stool to stand behind his wife."

Esme nodded, "And by trusting Ms. Thomas. She is just trying to help."

It fell quiet after I nodded in understanding. "Okay. I can try."


	3. Glued on Tight to This Carousel

The Family Apparatus

Chapter 3: Glued on Tight to This Carousel

* * *

Time seemed to be ticking slowly on Thursday morning. The light from the window was giving me just enough to read my book in the chair. I was supposed to be meeting with my therapist for the first time this morning, and I wasn't ready to.

Just like every other day, I was up bright and early. The difference today was the pile of clothes, book, and note in the chair by my bed. I had a hunch Dr. Cullen was the one who left these things, and I dressed in the baggy clothes with an appreciative smile. The book on top of the pile of clothes was _The Catcher in The Rye_, a classic American novel. On the inside cover was a note with beautiful handwriting. It read:

_Celeste - Nurse Paula and Nurse Tina let me know that you were looking for something to read yesterday instead of watching the television. One of my sons happens to be a bookworm, and I convinced him to loan a novel for you to read while you are here. He asked that you treat the book well, as it is well loved._

_\- Dr. Carlisle Cullen _

Just as I finished the first chapter, and right on time, there was a courteous knock at the door. Before I could answer, a short man walked through the door. He had bright red hair, a handlebar mustache, and round glasses on his face. The man was wearing a black turtleneck sweater, dark wash jeans, and a heavy looking blazer. In his hands was a large pile of files and what looked like paints.

"Thank God that knock wasn't your wake-up call." The doctor joked, closing the door behind him, "I'm Dr. Elm, you therapist, but most of the other young people call me either Elm or Q. So, call me whatever makes you comfortable." I didn't have to stand to shake his hand, as he just pulled up the stool instead and set down his papers, "You're Celeste, right? Do you have a different name you'd rather go by?"

"Some people call me Elle too." I answered, looking down at the papers Dr. Elm was pulling out of the file, "Um…am I going to be answering a bunch of questions or looking at ink blots today?"

He laughed, one coming right from his stomach, shaking his head. "You'll find I'm not too traditional when it comes to this stuff." The doctor answered, pulling a small, rolling table our way. On top of it were the paints and three different pictures: some flowers, a bard, and a bowl of fruit. "I wasn't too sure what you enjoyed doing, but who doesn't enjoy a paint by number?"

Knowing that I wasn't going to be guessing what abstract pictures were made my anxieties drop drastically. I reached forward and pulled the flowers paper closer. Dr. Elm opened the small tin of paints after deciding on the bowl of fruits.

We painted in complete, comfortable silence for about five minutes. My small brush was making slow and precise strokes on the page as I matched the correct number to their spot on the paper. I would look up every now and again to see if I was taking more time than the therapist, and each time I could see his brush moving across the paper, but his eyes were watching my own painting.

"So," I began, dipping my brush into the pot of violet paint, "you probably don't meet with too many kids like me, huh?"

"Who've traveled in one of America's most famous circuses?" He answered with his own question, "I'd say you're the first."

I looked up, the bottom of the paint brush resting on my chin, knowing that he fully understood what I was actually trying to ask him. "Yeah, an acrobatic teenager who fell almost thirty feet and can't figure out how she survived."

All he did was shrug, looking back down at the apple that he was shading. "Yep, you're the first."

After that, it fell quiet again, but a much more relaxed silence. The sound of a brush in the water to clean it off or the bristles quickly making their way across the page to fill in the number with the right shade. Dr. Elm would ask some very casual questions: favorite color, favorite book, favorite dessert. It seemed like I was trying to make a new friend than a new therapist.

The session ended sooner than I thought I wanted it to. At eleven, the nurse came in with a pre-made meal from Carlisle's office, where Esme was keeping her homemade meals. I offered to let the paintings dry in my room near the window so that the sun could give some help.

When I was back in bed, the home cooked meal of chicken and broccoli in front of me, Dr. Elm made his way to leave. Before doing so, he stood in front of the door with a smile and said, "I try to do these sessions differently. None of them are like what you see in the movies: we'll paint or draw or go for a walk or do something that you'd like to do unless you come in and have something to share." I felt my face form a blush, but he just gave an understanding smile back, "But doing these every day, relaxing activities tell me more about you than trying to pull out things you're not ready to share."

* * *

Sitting cross-legged in bed, book in my lap, I finally felt some peace.

After I finished most of my lunch, I was told I was free to do as I wished. So, the only thing I could think to do was to read the book I began in the morning. It was a huge coincidence that the book Dr. Cullen brought for me was _Catcher in the Rye_ because I was supposed to start reading the novel for my next English assignment. It was nice to read and not worry about picking up themes or worry about writing an essay at the end.

Holden was just one his way to New York when a nurse popped his head into the room. "Miss. Tiber, we need you to confirm the identities of some people who are here to visit you." Nurse Eli explained, holding up a tablet that I assumed had the list of names, "Clay and Cameron Wilde, Eric O'Malley, Betsy Indigo, and Fredric Daniels. Do you know any of them, dear?"

A smile slowly crept onto my face and I nodded, putting the book mark in its place. "Yes sir! They're from Circus Ludus."

Nurse Eli smiled back, clicking something on the tablet. "Alright, I'll call Sandy and let her know to send them up."

The door closed behind him and I sat up a little more in the bed. My heart was pounding with excitement, glad that some familiar faces were on their way up to finally visit. Another knock signaled someone at the door. Just like a clown car, and I've seen plenty of those in my day, the room was full of color and bright smiling faces.

Mr. and Mrs. Wilde, the owner and Ring Masters of the circus, were in the room first. The older couple had vases of in their hands. Eric O'Malley, the head coordinator of all the animal acts, had his arms full with many different stuffed animals. After him was Circus Ludus's fire breather, Betsy Indigo. The woman was head to toe in piercings, and the sweetest person I've ever known. She had a Get Well Soon balloon with her. Finally, was the strong man of the circus, Fredric Daniels. The bald man was usually very reserved and quiet, but seeing him hold a large bag of sweets showed his concern in volumes.

"Oh Elle!" Betsy smiled, placing the balloon down quickly to give me a side hug, "God, we've missed you kid!"

I let her squeeze me a little tighter, even if my bruises were telling me that she needed to let go. "We've been worried about you Kitty-Cat." Eric said once I was finally out of the hug.

"I'm fine…I guess." My voice was a little shaky.

Mrs. Wilde offered a sympathetic smile my way. "The others wish they could come, but they send their love."

"But everyone will be going to the memorial for your parents." Mr. Wilde informed firmly, folding his arms over his chest.

I raised my eyebrow in confusion. No one told me anything about any kind of service or memorial. "What are you talking about? I didn't think anything was going to happen."

"Some guy called and said he was putting it together. None of us knew the man's name." Eric explained, "Curry or Kuty or something. Ring any bells?"

I looked up, eyebrows furrowed as I thought about it. "Uh, Cullen?"

The lion tamer snapped his fingers. "That's it! Said he wanted to make sure it was done right for you and your parents. Just hope there won't be a lot of townies there."

"Townies?" I questioned. _Why would locals come to a stranger's funeral?_

Fredric shrugged. "Probably has something to do with the report that the news ran about it."

"The news?!" Mr. Wilde shot him a glare, and I knew that that news was something I wasn't supposed to know, "What is going on?"

Mrs. Wilde took my hand, trying to calm me down. "It's a small town Celeste. It was a week's worth of news for a nationally known circus to come here, and now that there's an accident…well they're going to want to talk."

"And it's an investigation with the police." Betsy added, "People want to know what went wrong so that it never happens again. A number of us have been interviewed."

I could feel my ears beginning to burn in anger. Why would they want to report on something so tragic? What were they saying? What did they know? "Don't worry too much about it, Elle." Eric tried to comfort, seeing that I wasn't too happy.

Everyone else tried to join in, offering their own words of advice, "Well, it'll go away once I move back to the circus, right?"

Silence flooded the room. "Uh, what do you mean, Elle?"

"Ms. Thomas said that I just need an adult to sign for my guardianship, and I can go back to Circus Ludus." I clarified, looking at each of the adults in the room when I explained, "So, when one of you guys, or someone else, gets the papers signed I'll just go back to work and everyone will move on…right?"

Tension replaced the silence, and I could see Betsy and Eric look down uncomfortably. "Elle," Mr. Wilde stated, sitting down at my feet, "it's not that we don't love you kid, because all of us do…and you've always got a place at Circus Ludus…"

"Of course, Celeste!" Mrs. Wilde interrupted with a nod, "But…I'm not sure if anyone is ready to take up that kind of responsibility right now…"

My heart seemed to drop into my feet. My stomach tied itself in a giant knot. My ears tuned out the conversation that was still happening.

The news that these people who I considered family just went from bad to worse. I thought for sure that I would have _someone_ who would sign for me! I thought I'd go back, start training again, go back to performing, and things would go back to normal. But now, I could see that my future was going to be drastically away from that plan.

Everyone could see that I was done listening, not soaking in anything that they were saying, so they said their goodbyes. Mr. Wilde took my casted hand, causing me to look him in the eye. "We would like to honor your parents during our last show in Maine, and we would like for you to be there." He explained.

I shrugged, "I don't know where I'll be now Mr. Wilde." My face was formed into a frown, "But I know that you would show them respect." The older Ring Master patted my leg and left the room.

Once they were gone, I stood slowly from the bed and moved all of their gifts to the far corner of the room. I was upset with all of the information that these people brought my way, and seeing the belongings just kept all of the news in my mind. In this frustrated and sad mood that I was in, I needed to do something with all of this negative energy instead of just sitting in the room.

Zipping up my borrowed sweatshirt and pulling on some itchy hospital socks, I left my room. No one said that I was allowed to…exactly. And I wasn't going to leave the hospital. There wasn't a pesky IV I needed to drag around and I knew that I didn't have any tests tonight.

The walk was peaceful, and no one was stopping me. Hands in my pockets, I passed the chapel, a few testing labs, and the nasty smelling food court. Nurses and doctors were walking with patients or with each other, hushed conversations between them.

My final stop was a large window, the sunset catching my eye. It was a view into the hospital's garden, the leaves slowly changing colors in the September air. There were no birds in the bird bath, but a few squirrels were making good use of the fresh water. A mural of children playing was on the wall, all of the kids laughing and peaceful.

I could feel my mind begin to wander as I stared outside, holding myself. Thoughts about today came back in: how not one person from the circus wanted to step up and sign for guardianship, how I'll have to move in with strangers and say that they're family, how I'll never get to really say goodbye to my parents.

Just as a tear fell down on my cheek, someone clearing their throat caused me to turn around and brush the rouge tear away. Behind me was my young-looking doctor, a questioning look on his face and arms folded across his chest. "I don't believe I instructed you to be confined to your bed," He began, walking a few steps closer to stand next to me, "but that also does not mean we encourage our patients to wander around the hospital unaccompanied. If you wanted to go in the garden, all you had to do was ask."

"I just needed to get out of the room, sir." I explained, "I'm sorry."

Dr. Cullen shook his head, putting his hands into his coat pocket. "Understandable. These rooms can become claustrophobic if you're not careful."

_Claustrophobic was an understatement._ I thought, taking a deep breath in and out. _More like depressing and stale and boring_.

"I thought today was your off-day, what are you doing here?" I asked, then realized how I phrased the question didn't seem like it was in the best light, "Not that I'm not happy you're here, Dr. Cullen. I like your company here, you don't treat me like some basket-case who's just going to break down in sob at any second like some of the other nurses."

He shook his head, waving it off. "You're right Celeste, but Esme and I were actually coming here to meet with Ms. Thomas, then meet with you."

I felt my eyebrow lift in confusion. "Is it about the service?" I asked, "Mr. Wilde said that you were paying for something."

"No, it's not for that." Dr. Cullen clarified, "But that's something we can talk about at a later time if you wish." That actually made me feel a little better, knowing that this kind doctor was still going out of his way to make sure that everything would be respectful for my parents.

Carlisle took a moment, and I could see him collecting his thoughts before continuing. "We are here to sign the appropriate paperwork for becoming your foster parents."

Time seemed to pause for a long moment when I looked into this man's almost gold colored eyes. "What? Why would you do that? How's that even possible?"

"All of our children are adopted, so my wife and I have gone through this process before." He explained gently, "And while we know you would much rather live with someone you know, the three of us agree that this situation will be the best one for you at this time."

I could feel my heart beating at a much faster and more aggressive rate. My palms were becoming sweaty, and my vision dizzy. This doctor, this beautiful and compassionate doctor, along with his wife and family who don't really know me, were going to become my foster family.

Almost like the doctor knew I was going to pass out or throw up, he grabbed my elbow gently but in a steady enough way. "Deep breaths Celeste. Catch your breath, and we'll walk back to meet with Ms. Thomas and Esme." All I could do was nod and slowly walk beside the doctor down the hall. Thousands upon hundreds of thoughts race through my mind.

If I thought taking a walk down the hall was going to calm me down in the future, I never wanted to walk down a hospital hallway alone again. While walking did help to calm me down, the minute we got back and saw the older women in my room signing documents, my heart was back up to the anxiety ridden state. Carlisle helped me sit on my bed, handing me the cup of water that was sitting on the bedside. I took a sip and tried to breathe slowly.

When I looked back up, both the doctor and his wife were watching me with concern on their faced while Georgia was more focused on getting a pen to work on a scratch piece of paper. "This is completely normal Miss. Tiber." The social worker said in a monotone voice, "It would be more abnormal if you weren't this nervous. But now I'll need you to sign some papers, since you'll be turning sixteen in a couple of months." She stood, bringing over a packet for me to look through, "Now, these just explain the logistics and show that you consent to be under the guardianship of Carlisle and Esme Cullen until further notice."

I brought the packet a little closer, thumbing through the fat stack of papers. While I knew there was no way I'd read through this whole packet, I wanted to make sure I knew what I was signing away. Would I still be a Tiber? How much freedom was mine? What happens when I turn eighteen? "I…uh, I know I can't read this whole thing, but…can I have some more clarification?"

"Dr. and Mrs. Cullen will become your legal guardians." Ms. Thomas explained, pointing to a paragraph of tiny print on the page, "With that, they will be responsible for your care and must meet a list of requirements while you are under their care. Their home is under the typical inspection that any foster or adoptive home go under as we speak, but because they have five adoptive children of their own, we are confident that you should be moving into your new room as soon as you are cleared."

Esme and Carlisle nodded in understanding, sympathetic smiles on their faces. "And once you sign this document," Dr. Cullen added, "I will no long be your doctor, as I could make an influenced and impartial call when it comes to your well-being. Dr. Shae Reid will be stepping in for the remainder of your stay."

It fell quiet again and I slowly flipped to the last page, blue pen in hand. My hand started to shake when I saw _Celeste Joan Tiber_ printed below a long solid line. Without even thinking, my hand signed my name carefully, blurred vision from the tears threatening to fall.


	4. Walking the Tightrope

The Family Apparatus

Chapter 4: Walking the Tightrope

* * *

Sitting in the hospital's stiff wheelchair, holding onto the bag that Mrs. Cullen brought for me a few days ago, I was anxiously waiting to officially leave. The Cullen's were still signing some papers, which left me to my thoughts.

The past two days flew by. Esme would come and visit every afternoon. While I enjoyed sitting and talking with her, the conversations were still awkward because we were strangers at this point. But, Esme seemed excited that I was going to be moving in soon, even saying that the room I would be stay in was almost finished and that I could decorate it however I wanted to.

I also started visiting with Dr. Ried. She was comfortable with discharging me if I agreed to stay on the diet she was putting me on. Dr. Ried said that because I would not be doing as much physical activity anymore, I would need to be more careful about what I was putting into my body. Thankfully, she said that the cast would be coming off within a week, and that I could slowly get back into working out.

Dr. Elm also met with me one more time before I was approved to leave. We took a walk, after Dr. Cullen shared with him about my own walk the day before. The therapist wanted to know how I was feeling about being matched with the Cullen's, and when I expressed how anxious I was, Dr. Elm shared some good tips. The one that I took away was to accept their invitations to participate in activities. The best way to know someone is to put an effort in.

"Do you have everything you need Celeste?" Dr. Cullen asked, taking the chair's handles in his hands. I nodded quietly, letting him push the chair away from the nurse's station. Mrs. Cullen was next to him, holding onto his arm gently. Last night, during his rounds, Dr. Cullen said that everyone at home is excited to meet me. He also said that they do know my situation and send their condolences.

In silence, we made it to the doctor's car. It was a shiny silver Mercedes parked close to the doors. Before I could stand from the chair on my own, Carlisle was at my side helping me into the car while Esme took the bag from my lap. I felt embarrassed that they thought I couldn't take a few steps into the car, but muttered a thank you anyways. Dr. Cullen took the chair back into the lobby of the hospital while Mrs. Cullen loaded the bag into the back.

When everyone was situated in the car, all buckled in, we were off. I stared outside the window, taking in the sights of Pluviam, Maine. The trees were just beginning to change, the Sunday traffic was light, and the houses all looked the same. _Great,_ I thought, slouching a little in disappointment, _it's a suburb_.

"So, Celeste, I felt that we should give you a warning." Dr. Cullen began, looking at me through the rearview mirror, "A few of the kids went a little above-and-beyond with their Welcoming Committee responsibility."

Esme laughed, her head nodding in agreement. "Alice and Emmett just wanted you to know that they were excited for you to come home."

_Home_.

That word hurt a little more than I thought it would.

"They are the more…extroverted of the group." The doctor turned his head around, flashing a smile my way, "Not that the others aren't excited to meet you. But, they are most definitely not like the other two."

The remainder of the ride was quiet. I knew that all they were trying to do was make me feel better, but it didn't really help my somber mood.

Twenty-five minutes later we drove up a long driveway. It was paved in the darkest pavement I'd seen, indicating that it was fresh. Many large trees lined the driveway, making it difficult to actually see the house until we were right there. My mouth dropped when I actually saw where I would be staying until further notice. Two stories tall, three visible chimneys, red brick with white trim; who wouldn't be a little taken aback?

There weren't words to describe what I felt, staring at the small patch of the ocean I could see. "It's not much, but you can only do so much with a one-hundred-and-fifteen-years-old home." Esme sighed, unbuckling her seatbelt, "We've renovated and updated, but they only let you do so much with a historically preserved home."

"Wait, how old?" My eyes widened in shock, letting Carlisle help me out of the car.

He smiled, "One-hundred-and-fifteen-years-old. It's been in the family for a long time." My mind was still trying to wrap around how I was moving into a mansion, let alone, and historical one.

With Esme and her husband on either side of me, we walked to the front door of the large home. Just as the doctor was going to open the door, it flew open and we were greeted by a short haired, huge smile on her face girl. "You made it!" She cheered, reaching forward and pulling me into an embrace, trapping my arms at my sides, "Oh, you're much smaller than I thought you'd be."

My face burned, uncomfortable and confused with what was going on. This stranger not only decided to give me a hug, but then comment on my size. "Alice, please give Celeste a moment to breathe." Dr. Cullen shook his head, "Or at the very least, let us into the house first."

The smiley girl stepped aside, letting the three of us walk into the main part of the house. As soon as we stepped in, I could see that this place still had huge one-hundred-year-old touches to it, like the ginormous chandelier or art pieces on the walls. I could also see that the other members of the Cullen house were there too.

When Alice finally moved away from my side, she stepped to stand beside a very stiff and anxious looking, curly blonde boy near the grand staircase. "That was Alice," Esme explained with a motherly smile, "and next to her is Jasper."

"And I'm Emmett, you're soon-to-be-favorite brother." Someone laughed, then ruffed my matted hair. He was ginormous, taller and much more built than Dr. Cullen, and had his black hair in a buzzcut fashion, "Jazz and Ed have _nothing _on me."

Before he could keep introducing himself, because he looked ready to keep bashing on his brothers, Emmett was pulled back to where he came from. The person who pulled him back was by what I could only describe as a real-life Barbie doll. Her pale blonde hair long and straight, her figure absolutely perfect. She seemed to even have her own Ken doll in Emmett. However, she had a judgmental and cold look on her face, and I couldn't help but look down.

The two of them were standing near what I assumed was the parlor, next to another teenage boy. He was tall and slender, hair a shiny bronze color. Just like the Barbie look-a-like, he didn't look too excited that I was here either. "And this is Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward." Esme explained, putting a hand on my shoulder, "That's our whole family."

"Everyone," Dr. Cullen said, placing a hand on my other shoulder, "this young lady is Celeste. I know you will all make her feel welcomed in our home."

Emmett wiggled away from Rosalie, big smile on his face. "You got it Pops! And as part of our responsibility as Co-Captains for the Welcoming Committee, Alice and I will be honored to give you the grand tour!" The ginormous teenager smiled, moving out of the way when Alice grabbed my hand. Hers was chilly, sending goosebumps up my arms.

"Self-appointed co-captains of the non-existent welcoming committee." Edward clarified with a roll of his eyes.

Alice just shook her head, walking down the hallway to the left with Emmett taking up the rear. "Just ignore him. He and Jazz can be a little unsure when new people come home." I didn't know how to answer, so I just nodded.

Gently, I was led through the home by hand. Their kitchen was immaculate for a family seven, the library was floor to ceiling in books, the doctor and his wife both had their own offices (or as Emmett said "Study, because that sounds fancier."), the game room with a professional pool table in the middle, the family room which had to be as big as the trailer I lived in my whole life.

That was just the first floor.

We peeped outside in the backyard too. There was a fire pit, hot tub, and garden in the back. And the view of the ocean was incredible. As Alice was explaining that they usually took family walks back there, we took the stairs in the kitchen to the second floor.

Emmett explained that all of the bedrooms were pretty much in each corner of the house. They both seemed excited to show me where I would be staying, in the guest room next to the grand staircase. When the door opened, I couldn't help my jaw from dropping in shock. It was the largest room and the largest bed I had ever seen in my life. The walls were seafoam green, the bed had a white comforter and pillows, there was a desk and bookshelf on one wall, and vanity on opposite it. I even had a bay window with a window bench.

There was a door connecting to a Jack-and-Jill bathroom, which Alice explained was stocked with things that I could use to shower. "Just a warning, you will be sharing this bathroom with Edward." The welcoming girl said, letting me peep into the tan color bathroom.

"He loves to spend hours on his _luscious locks_ before school." Emmett teased with a wink, "And I think I've heard him sing in the shower." I did smile at that. I wasn't sure if this was what it was always going to be like, but Alice and Emmett were doing a good job at making me feel welcomed.

A knock at the door made us turn in that direction, and both Cullen parents were there with smiles on their faces. Esme was holding a tray of food, what looked like pasta and salad on it. "How was the grand tour Celeste?" Dr. Cullen asked, stepping into the room.

I nodded my head, "Your home is beautiful…but I feel like I'm going to get lost."

"I can draw you a map." Emmett laughed, winking in my direction.

"You'll find your way around easily Celeste." Alice reassured, "You just need to explore on your own a bit."

"Speaking of 'on her own'," Dr. Cullen interrupted, "We should let Miss. Tiber settle in for a while. She hasn't left her tiny room in almost a week."

The Welcoming Committee frowned, but nodded anyways. "We'll catch you around pipsqueak!" Emmett smiled, sending a cheeky salute my way before walking out of the room.

Alice followed behind him, but then peeped her bed back into the room. "Oh, one more thing. When you decide to open the window, it might stick. So, don't try and pull it in, or you'll cut yourself." After that random note, she was gone.

Esme set down the tray at the desk, the smell of delicious smelling food filling the room. "Oh, you didn't have to do this Mrs. Cullen." I felt bad that she was still going out of her way to make meals, "I could've waited to eat when all of you were going to eat dinner."

There was a very quick, almost unnoticeable look of unsureness across her face when I said that. An expression that I thought was weird to have. "Dr. Ried wants you to stay on your diet." The doctor explained, "She warned us that you may feel uncomfortable, so to help you, you can eat in solitude until you become more comfortable."

"Oh…" I answered, not sure if I believed him, but he was a doctor.

I took my seat at the desk, picking up the shiny fork with my good hand. "If you need anything else, we'll be down in the family room." Esme said, taking Carlisle's hand at the door. I nodded, watching them leave and close the door behind them.

Like every other meal Mrs. Cullen made, the pasta was delicious. It made my stomach full, and the salad was just the right touch for a side. When I finished, I flopped down on the bed and let it my thoughts wander. None of my own stuff was here, and I made a note to figure out when I would be able to get them. I also thought about everyone I met today. Alice and Emmett were really nice, and I really appreciated them showing me around the large mansion. Both of them were funny in their own ways, and tried to make me feel comfortable in their home. However, I still wasn't sure about the other three. And it could just be that I haven't had the time to get to know them yet, but they did not seem as excited that I was moving in.

Before I could let the bed send me off into a nap, I decided to bring my dirty dishes into the kitchen to clean them. The sun was setting, so I assumed that the family would be there eating anyways and the sound of them having dinner would help me find the kitchen.

Unfortunately, the home was dead quiet and I couldn't find the kitchen from the first floor. So, I went down the grand staircase with the tray balancing on my good arm, and ended up in the family room. Everyone was there with the large flat-screen TV on quietly. Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward were sitting on a sectional, Jasper and Alice were sitting on their own leather chairs, and the Cullen parents were on a love seat.

All of them turned to look at me when I walked in, my face flushing at the unwanted attention. "Uh…I was just looking for the kitchen so I could wash my dishes." I explained, "I, uh, I thought you guys would be having dinner, but I guess I was upstairs longer than I thought."

Esme stood from her spot, taking the heavy tray from me, "It's almost eight in the evening dear, you were upstairs for about two hours."

"Oh, I can wash the dishes ma'am." I started, feeling bad that she took the tray from me.

She shook her head, a motherly look on her face. "I will take care of it dear, it's no big deal. Why don't you visit with the others Celeste? You can sit next to Carlisle."

Dr. Cullen offered a welcoming smile, patting the spot next to him. Esme was gone before I could try and protest her doing my dishes, so with a sigh, I sat next to him. It was quiet, and I felt like all of the others were still staring at me. "So…The circus is leaving soon." I began, turning my body towards the doctor, shaking my leg a little out of nervous habit, "And all of my stuff is there…"

Thankfully, the doctor caught onto what I was trying to ask him. "We will make sure your belongings are returned to you. Legally, they cannot leave without returning what belongs to you." Carlisle reassured firmly, "But, we will make time this week to collect anything that you want." I smiled gratefully, my body sagging slightly in relief. I didn't own much, but everything I had was important to me anyways.

"So Cece, you probably did all of those sick flips and stuff that you see in the movies, right?" Emmett asked, wrapping an arm casually around the blonde girl next to him.

I felt my eyebrows raise at his nickname. "Um…I mean I guess so." I answered with a shrug, "And, I prefer Elle for a nickname."

He laughed, "You'll have to show me! I can do some flips and tricks too!"

Edward shook his head while Alice and Jasper chuckled from their spot on the chairs. "Please wait until that cast comes off before you do anything Celeste." Dr. Cullen asked, his doctor voice showing.

"I promise I won't Dr. Cullen." I smiled, bringing my legs up onto the couch to try and stop them from bouncing.

Esme walked back into the family room, and before I could get up from my spot, she was in her husband's lap comfortably. "So Dad," Alice began, leaning over the arm of her chair, "when can we take Elle school shopping?"

My eyes widened at the mention of school. "School?" I asked.

Mrs. Cullen nodded. "Yes Celeste. As soon as your cast comes off, you'll be going to school with the rest of the kids."

"You're, like what, thirteen?" Rosalie rolled her eyes, "Don't you legally need to be in school?"

My face grew warm. "I'm almost sixteen." I corrected, "And I've never _been_ to school, may mom is…was…my homeschool teacher for, well forever."

Alice smiled, "Then, we'll just have to find the best first day of school outfit for you to make a good first impression!" Both Esme and Alice began talking about clothes, something I never really cared about because if I wasn't in costume, I was in athletic clothes.

Yet, I was starting to feel overwhelmed. School was something I didn't think about. It wasn't that I didn't like learning, because I did. It was the fact that I had never been there in all of my years of learning, and now I was going to be thrown into a high school in the middle of first semester.

My heart was starting to pound a little harder in my chest, and I could feel my eyes begin to get a little teary. There was no way I was going to let myself cry in front of these people. "I'm really sorry, but I think all the traveling and touring took a lot out of me." I bit my lip, not making eye contact with anyone when I stood, "If it's okay, I'm going to go to sleep."

"But, it's not even that late Ellie!" Emmett whined, which caused Carlisle to send a warning looking his way. My cheeks were warm again.

Before I could explain, Esme nodded. "You don't need to explain yourself Celeste. Do you need any help getting ready for bed?"

I quickly shook my head, "No, I'll be alright ma'am. Good night."

After that, I made my way back to the stairs and found my room fast. Flopping onto the bed, I didn't even bother getting underneath the comforter. My head and heart hurt, and I just wanted today to be over. The moon was casting a soft light into the room, and I let a few tears roll onto my pillow.


	5. Who Wants Flowers When You're Dead?

The Family Apparatus

Chapter 5: Who Wants Flowers When You're Dead? Nobody

* * *

The first morning with the Cullen's was quieter than I thought it would be.

A house of eight people on a Monday should've been more chaotic than it was. However, I didn't hear a peep from anyone when I went downstairs. I made my own breakfast after finding where the cereal and milk was. I cleaned my own dishes by hand and tried looking around for anyone. Because it was a weekday, I assumed that everyone would be doing normal people things; like going to school or going to work, or running errands.

I did hear the sound of cars starting up in the front of the house, and saw two cars pulling away; two kids in one, three in another. After watching them go, I made my way back to the kitchen to find Esme there, looking ready to make something at the stove. I explained that I did eat already, hoping that she didn't mind. She would've preferred if I had something a little more substantial, but would take it.

Esme asked if I would like to shower, and I almost wept in joy. Since being in the hospital, I couldn't remember the last time I had showered, and I knew I didn't smell the best. Mrs. Cullen helped me wrap up my cast in plastic so it wouldn't get wet. After asking if I would need any help in there, and politely declining, I spent almost thirty blissful minutes under scalding hot water. There was a bench on the inside, and I sat for a majority of it. I took time double washing my hair, shaving my leg slowly, and using the vanilla scented soap.

When I finished, there was a clean set of clothes that I assumed were Alice's waiting: a pair of sweat pants and a green long sleeve shirt. After getting dressed, managing to pull the sleeve over my cast, I went back into my room to see Esme at the vanity. She offered to do my hair, and knowing that I would probably struggle with my hair anyways, I agreed.

I sat in the vanity's chair, still and quiet. Mrs. Cullen was quiet too, a motherly smile on her face. It took me back to when my mom would do my hair. Before practice, mom would put my hair into a long braid, making sure it was all out of my face. Before performances, it would be matching her own, hairspray keeping it in place. Now, this still stranger was carefully platting my long ash brown hair into a type of braid I had never seen before.

As soon as the woman was done, there was a knock at the door that caused us both to turn in that direction. It was Dr. Cullen, a surprised looking smile on his face. "Feeling better Celeste?" He asked, arms folded when he leaned on the door frame.

Quietly, I nodded with a small smile. "Love, I hate to interrupt, but your office phone has been ringing for a few minutes." Mrs. Cullen's husband said, making her frown a little.

The beautiful woman stood after setting down the hairbrush. "Uh…thanks for helping me Mrs. Cullen. Sorry for being so much trouble." I thanked by giving her a smile.

She gave me one back, gently patting the top of my head. "It was no trouble at all dear. And please feel free to call me Esme."

With that, she said goodbye to her husband with a kiss. Something that I turned red from watching and looked away. "I would like for you to visit with me in my study." Carlisle requested, "Why don't you bring your book as well? I'd like to show you the library once we are finished."

"Oh, sure." I answered, finally standing and grabbing the book from the nightstand.

We quietly walked down the hall and down the stairs. I'm glad we went slowly too, so that I could pay a little more attention and try to remember where we were going. This old mansion was almost too big, and I needed to get the map of this house down pat.

At the bottom of the stairs, and to the left, was Carlisle's office. I could hear Esme on the phone in the room across the hall. She was standing up at her desk, one hand writing a mile a minute while her other hand was hold her office phone. I must've been staring because she eventually turned in my direction and gave me a soft smile and wave.

I waved back, then followed Carlisle into his study. It reminded me of a museum, with so many different looking paintings and artifacts around the room. Dr. Cullen was already behind his desk, pulling out a folder and he gestured for me to sit down at the couch. I didn't relax into it, making sure that I was on the very edge of the leather.

"So," the doctor began, "I know that this is a touchy subject, but we do need to talk about what you would like for your parents' service at the end of the week."

My bottom lip was bit quickly in nerves. "I've never really done something like this before Dr. Cullen." I shook my head, "Never been to a funeral, never known someone close to me that's died…and now I'm doing this for my parents."

It was quiet for a moment, and I saw Carlisle look up from his desk. "This will be as simple as you want it to be Celeste. Whatever you believe your parents would like, is what I will try my hardest to have happen."

"As long as they're together, that's what's important to me." I answered honestly, looking up.

He jotted down something in his leather-bound notebook. "Usually, someone will say a few words about whoever passed away. A religious head figure or close friend. Do you think they would want someone like that?"

I thought for a moment. On one hand, the Ring Master could say a few words about them and we weren't really religious people. On the other hand, I was still really upset with them and didn't want to ask. "Well…I guess I could say something, right?"

"That is also an option." Dr. Cullen nodded, "And we could help you find something to say if you didn't already have something in mind."

That was reassuring to hear, knowing that I could find something that my parents would want said. We also talked about other things that were important to the service. It would be at the small graveyard, and he extended the invite to everyone at Circus Ludus. He wanted to know if I had a specific flower that should be at the sight, and the only thing I could think of was what I last read in the Catcher.

_Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody_.

I did request orchids, enough to stand out but not overwhelm. Dr. Cullen also said that I would need something appropriate to wear. And while I thought I should be able to wear whatever I want, I knew that I should do it right. Thankfully, the good doctor said that Esme and Alice would be happy to help me find something.

Before he decided that we were done talking about the service, Carlisle took out a new looking cellphone from his desk drawer. It was in a clear case, the smartphone's shiny back exposed. "Dr. Cullen, I can't afford to pay for this."

Dr. Cullen chuckled, his head shaking when he placed the phone in my hand. "Two things: just like with my lovely wife, feel free to call me Carlisle. And do not worry about paying for this. As your guardian, it is part of my job to take care of those payments. I do not want you out of touch with anyone in the family."

A small smile formed, and I nodded. "Well, thank you very much sir."

"All of our numbers are in here," He said, unlocking the phone and going to the contacts app. Inside were only the names of each member of the Cullen home, a picture of them with their name, "You can reach out to anyone of us if you need anything." My face lit up, thankful and grateful. The good doctor smiled and stood from his desk, cueing for me to stand and follow him out of the room. We went to the room next door, also known as the library.

It was hard to forget this room because when we did a quick look yesterday, I had felt like I was in heaven. In the middle of the room, there was a large oak table with many chairs around it. By some windows were cushy looking chairs, warn looking from past use.

Ceiling to floor was books on all the other three walls, with the fourth being just a huge window letting in light. "You are always welcome to use this room Celeste, and read any book you'd like as long as it is returned."

"There must be at least two hundred books in here!" I cried in awe, letting my hand run across a couple of the spine.

He laughed, "Two hundred and sixty-five to be exact; and at only counts the ones in here." I smiled back, letting myself sink into a chair at the table, "I thought you would enjoy spending some time in here, if you'd like to."

I nodded. "Yes please, I promise I won't make a mess."

"I didn't think you would." Dr. Cullen winked, "If you need anything, Esme and I are around."

With that, I was left in the beautiful library alone.

For almost two hours, I made myself comfortable and finished _Catcher in the Rye_. The book was pretty good, but I wasn't sure I would reread the book. After looking over a couple of the spines, I pulled my next book, _One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest_. Around noon, getting a couple chapters under my belt, Esme came in with a protein shake for my lunch. She set it down and was going to leave, but I made sure to send Esme a 'thank you' before she would be out of ear shot.

This library almost seemed to put me under a spell, because the only other time I looked up is when someone covered my eyes around three in the afternoon. I let out a yelp and the hands came off of my eyes. A soft, almost reminding me of a pixie, laugh came from behind me. It was Alice, with Jasper over by the door. "God Alice!" I gripped my chest, feeling my heart still beating a mile a minute, "You scared me!"

"Aw, I didn't mean to spook you Elle!" Alice cooed, sitting herself in the seat next to me. Jasper was still in the doorway, looking stiff and uncomfortable, "Jazz and I usually come home to get our homework done after school. He's a bit of a bookworm."

_So, the book I was loaned must be Jasper's_. I thought, glancing over at the novel I finished an hour ago, "Oh, well I can go. Thanks for lending me your book Jasper, it was pretty good."

I stood to hand the book to the blonde, but he made no sign that he was going to take it from me. "_Catcher_ isn't Jasper's." Alice laughed from her spot, "That's Edward's copy. Historical novels are more of Jasper's taste."

"Oh." I answered, bringing the book to my chest while I tried to think of how I was going to give him his book back.

Alice stood from her spot, handing me the book I just started before wrapping his arm into a hug. "Why don't you go drop it off in his room? Just leave a note if he's not in there!"

Slowly, I nodded, a smile on my face. "That's a great idea, Alice."

She smiled back. "Good luck." Alice chirped as I left.

Thankfully, I did remember where my room was and at the desk was a pad of paper and new pens in a cup. Luck was also on my side, because my dominate hand was not my covered with my cast. Sitting at the desk, I made sure that my handwriting would be legible enough for this stranger to read.

It read:

_Edward – Thank you for loaning me your book. Holden is a weird character, but the story was good._

_-Elle_

The note went into the first page of the book, and I braved going to return it. Slowly, trying to keep my breath calm, I stood in front of the door of the room next to my own. With my good hand, I knocked and waited for someone to answer. A minute passed, and no one responded. Alice's voice in my brain was echoing around, saying that I could just leave it on his desk.

My shaking hand took the doorknob and opened the door. Edward wasn't in his room, and I let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding. The walls were a dark charcoal grey, and the accents around were white and gold. His bed is just as large as my own, and he also had a desk in the same spot as mine. A bookshelf was next to it filled with CDs and books.

As I was going to drop the book on the middle of the desk, my eye caught a framed picture. It was his family, all of them in coordinating outfits with beautiful smiles. Looking closer, it seemed like all of the siblings were actually a little closer than just that. Esme and Carlisle did say that everyone was adopted, so I guess it wouldn't be too inappropriate. It was also weird to see this picture by how staged and perfect it looked. My own family only took professional photos for posters that the circus would put up in towns or on their website.

Shaking my head, I placed the book down with care on the desk and turned around to leave. Unfortunately, I was startled again by someone sneaking up on me and this time, it was Edward. He didn't look too happy that I was standing in his room.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" Edward asked, sounding angry.

"I was just…I finished…_Catcher_." I stuttered out, pointing to the book, "Alice said I should give it back."

His eyes narrowed, looking like he was trying to control his temper. "You shouldn't go into someone's room without permission. "Edward said, his teeth gritted, "Were you raised in a barn?"

My face warmed, "No, in a circus. An-And Alice said that I could just leave it on your desk."

"Just get out!" He barked, causing me to jump again.

Nervously, I left quickly after muttering quick apologizes again while I left. Just when I thought I'd be going two steps forward, I felt like I was taking one leap back.


	6. Can I Handle the Seasons of My Life?

The Family Apparatus

Chapter 6: Can I Handle the Seasons of My Life?

* * *

Thursday couldn't have come faster. For the past two days, I was actively trying to avoid my neighbor. Edward, thankfully, was doing the same. Alice and Emmett were still being extra friendly, and the Cullen's parents were still keeping a close eye on me.

On Wednesday afternoon, just as Dr. Cullen and I were getting ready to leave and gather my belongings, Ms. Thomas called. She explained that the circus needed our trailer to be empty as soon as possible, so someone from Circus Ludus packed everything into boxes and shipped them to Ms. Thomas's office. At the end of the phone call, the two adults came to the agreement that he could pick up the boxes on his way home from work.

So, this is where I found myself all day Thursday; unpacking and re-organizing everything in the boxes cluttering up the room. Both Esme and Alice offered to help, but I politely declined their offer. Putting away all of my clothes was easy enough; the majority of my wardrobe being workout clothes, and the rest went on hangers and into the closer.

I also hung up some posters, after asking for permission from Carlisle. My collage of every postcard I bought at each city I've been visited went over my desk. The wrinkled poster from my debut performance at the circus went behind the bedroom's door, my younger self and younger looking parents would smile at me from their place at the door. My last poster, my most prized possession, was my vintage Elvis Presley poster. The King of Rock was smirking and holding a guitar in his lap. Carefully, he was hung by the vanity.

My bookshelf was now more populated, only with books that I would reread. It also held all of my Dad's old records, with his record player on the top carefully. Did I know how to use it? Not at all. But he loved his collection, and I didn't want it going anywhere else.

Some more things found other homes around the room too.

Under my bed was the baby box that my mom put together for me. Some VHS tapes of milestones, pictures that I drew, and important documents were inside. On the vanity was my Mom's jewelry box. The velvet box had her wedding ring inside and a string of pearls. She didn't have much, but everything had a story. Dad's favorite blue flannel was on the back of the chair, a mild smell of his cologne still lingering.

All of the other boxes had things that I wasn't sure what to do with. The performance costumes and my parents' clothes wouldn't ever be worn again, but I wasn't ready to donate or throw them away. Carlisle did say that they could go into a storage unit, I just needed to label them all correctly.

After writing **MOM** in black Sharpie on the white box, there was a knock at the door.

"It's open!" I called back, capping the pen back.

Waltzing in the room was a giddy looking Alice, her shadow (Jasper) following behind. "Wow! It's looking really nice in here Elle." She commented, taking a moment to look at the postcards.

Jasper seemed fixed on the King, eyebrow raised in curiosity. "Thanks Alice. It's good to know where everything is now."

"Show's your wonderful personality just that much more." She winked, causing me to laugh.

When she was satisfied with the postcards, Alice twirled to the closet and opened the door. "Uh, whatcha lookin' for now?" I asked, running a hand through my hair.

She pulled out a yellow sun dress, twisted it to get a good look, then put it back. "I wanted to see if you would have something to wear for the service." The black-haired girl answered.

It was quiet for a moment, realizing that the day was coming up shortly. I was thankful she seemed excited to play dress up, and I was going to let her. "Well, just a heads up, I don't own too much on the dark side of clothes." I warned, "You ever see a clown in all black?" I asked, sitting on the bed as I watched her sort through the clothes, "If they didn't wear colorful clothes, how else would they be able to put the fun in funeral?"

A soft and short chuckle came from the other side of the room, Jasper trying to cover his smirk. My heart swelled with pride, seeing that I cracked the usually timed and stiff looking guy a little.

However, Alice did find something. She held up a quarter length navy dress as well as nude flats. "When did you wear this?" Alice smirked, holding up the nice dress in front of herself to get a better look at it.

I had to think for a moment, not exactly sure. Then it hit me. "We met with the governor of Illinois when we performed in Chicago this year. Mom said that we needed to look nice."

"Well…Don't worry." She started, "You and I can go shopping before you start school to give you a little more variety in your closet."

Alice seemed really excited that she would be able to take me shopping, but I wasn't too concerned about fashion myself. But, I couldn't tell her that, she seemed so set to go and maybe even bond.

"Now that your outfit is done," The fashion forward girl said, hanging up the dress nicely, "Jazz and I wanted to invite you to take a walk with everyone else. It's a nice, cool day outside!"

I shook my head, smoothing the comforter on the bed out. "Thanks for the invite Alice, but I still need to write something to say at the service for Mom and Dad. I just can't find the right words yet." She sent a sympathetic smile my way before heading out with Jasper.

A minute or two after they were gone, I stood from the bed to grab the notebook off of my desk. With one last look at the room, I made my way downstairs to try and find some inspiration. The Cullen kids were getting their shoes and jackets on for their hike. I tried to sneak past, towards the living room, but was stopped by Emmett's huge arm blocking my path. "Ditching us without saying goodbye pipsqueak?" He teased, putting on a fake pouting face.

"I didn't want to make a big commotion." I lied with a shrug, "And besides, I really need to stay awake enough to write this thing." The notebook in my hand was held up for emphasis.

He sighed, a teasing smile on his face to replace the pout. "Alright, but I wanna show you how the play the racing game when I'm back, so you need to still be awake for that too!"

I laughed, holding up my pinky finger to him. "I pinky promise to try my best to stay awake."

Emmett carefully took my pinky with his own, much larger one. That little bonding moment made me genuinely smile, but was taken away too fast by Rosalie, who was getting impatient with him. "We'll catch ya later Alligator!" He called, being pulled my the Barbie blonde out the door.

Edward was quick to follow, not looking in my direction at all, followed by Jasper and Alice. I watched them go down the walkway, seeming to share inside jokes as they followed the path to the wooded area.

With a sigh, trying not to regret passing up the walk, I walked past the family room to see the doctor and his wife on the couch, snuggled up with each other. There was some kind of movie on the large TV. Before I could keep going, they both looked up in my direction. "Ah Celeste, you didn't join the others?" Carlisle asked, sitting up on the couch.

I shook my head, holding the notebook to my chest. "Nah, I really need to focus on writing this thing and I'm really stuck."

"Why don't you sit outside to clear your head?" Esme suggested, "Observe some nature and let the serenity of the moment inspire you."

Her husband nodded in agreement. "Great poets and authors would spend hours just watching and listening before coming up with something great." After a moment, I took up their suggestions and headed for the back porch after thanking them.

It was cool outside, a soft wind bringing in the smell of the ocean up to the host. There were many trees in the backyard too, and I could see the path that the others took for their walk. From my spot on the swing, I could see a small nest on a low branch. Inside the small nest was a family of warblers. Papa bird was singing his song, telling other birds to stay away. Momma bird had her wings ruffled, covering up the tiny yellow chick under her.

A tear fell from my cheek as I remember the song that my parents would sing for me when I was little. After a moment, it struck me that I could use this to write something for the service. Quickly, my blue pen was jotting down ideas and phrases that I wanted to share at the service.

I must've been writing for some time because the sound of the back door opening and closing caused me to look up and see who was joining me. Shocking, it was the curly blonde who usually stuck close to Alice.

Jasper slowly made his way to the swing, standing on the other side where the empty seat was. "May I take a seat ma'am?" He asked politely, a southern drawl that I never heard before coming out.

After nodding, he took a seat stiffly and put his hands onto his lap. I pulled my notebook to my chest, along with my knees. This caused the boy to take control of the speed of the swing, his legs pumping it in a paced fashion. It was awkwardly quiet and tense between the two of us. Jasper was nice and not harsh like Rosalie and Edward have been, but his disposition wasn't exactly comforting like Alice and Emmett.

"Carlisle says that you might need some help with your eulogy." He finally said, breaking the ice.

I raised my eyebrow. "Um…I mean I think I have something now, but I've never done one of these before…so I don't know if it'll be any good."

"Do you mind if I take a look?" Jasper asked, holding out his hand for the notebook.

After a minute, I passed the notes over. I watched his eyes read over what I wrote while trying to read his expression. Jasper had a really good poker face, and there was no telling what he was actually thinking.

Finally, he looked in my direction when he was done reading. "Is this a Beatles reference?" The blonde had a smirk on his face, and not in a teasing fashion either.

My face warmed when I nodded. "My Mom told me that my Dad didn't really sing lullabies to me when I was a baby…so he would sing the Beatles instead."

I watched him nod, understanding my reference better. The notebook was handed back to me once he stood from his spot. "I never knew your parents, but I believe they would've been touched with what you wrote for them."

"So, it's good?" I asked, still not super confident in it.

Jasper nodded, and then just as fast as he joined me, he was back inside before I could thank him. The encounter was probably one of the weirdest I had experienced since being here, but I just needed to understand that everyone was processing this new situation in different ways. That Jasper was adapting differently, and this was his way to try and bond.

I looked over what I wrote one more time before standing to go inside and find Emmett. Looking inside the window, I could see Alice in Jasper's arms with a huge smile on her face. She placed a few kisses on his cheek and he seemed to be a little bashful about whatever they were talking about. I could only assume she was proud of him breaking out of his shell just a little more.


	7. One Flew East, One Flew West

The Family Apparatus

Chapter 7: One Flew East, One Flew West

* * *

_The sun was just creeping up behind the trees, with the wind blowing the crisp Autumn leaves. Aspen was beautiful during this time of year, and my five-year-old self would have been enjoying the colors much more if I wasn't so nervous. It was the morning of my first public performance, and I couldn't sleep at all. While there was no way I'd be doing any of the amazing tricks that my parents would be showing off, my Mom and Dad did choregraph some basic gymnastic skills instead._

_My pink baby blanket was wrapped around my tiny shoulders as I sat on the cold, metal stair of our trailer. We were in the back of the 'neighborhood', closest to the woods. With my hands holding tight to the blanket, I was straining my eyes to see through the slowly disappearing darkness to look closely at a tree. There was a family of little birds in a nest; I would later learn that these were blackbirds. Faint chirps were coming, with the two biggest birds perched on the edge of nest, and peeping from the inside._

_Before I could try and figure out what was going on in the nest, the trailer's door opened behind me with a squeak. I turned quickly with a finger up to my mouth, showing my smirking parents that they need to keep quiet. Both nodded, holding up their own finger's to their mouth's. Dad picked me up in his strong arms, placing me on his hip so that I could get a better view of the nest._

_The three of us stood by the tree in silence, watching carefully as the baby bird looked ready to leave its nest. I was on the edge of my seat, figurately. My child-like wonder was amazed on how this tiny little creature was about to learn how to fly for the first time, and that I was there to watch. After what felt like five hours, but was maybe ten minutes, the baby blackbird made the leap and was flying! While it wasn't as practiced or graceful as its parents', the bird was peeping excitedly as it followed its Mommy and Daddy bird away._

_I couldn't help but cheer when they flew away, causing both of my parents to chuckle at the sight. "That's going to be you one day Blackbird." Dad said with pride in his voice, "Soaring up on the trapeze with your family, wowing countless crowds with your amazing abilities."_

"_B-but…I'm scared Daddy." I frowned, looking at the both of my talented parents, "What if I mess up or get a booboo?"_

_Mom stepped in, brushing my uncombed hair away from my face. "Celeste, you are going to be a shining star up there one day!"_

* * *

My eyes were wet when I finished sharing my memory with the crowd of people.

The service had a much bigger turnout than I thought would be there. Everyone who worked with Circus Ludus was there, none of them with a dry eye. Both Dr. Elm and Dr. Ried were there too, sending condolences my way when they arrived. Even a large number of locals showed up, taking up a majority of the seats in the back of the tent or standing in huddles to keep warm on the drizzly day. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen were sitting in the front row, my empty chair in between to the two of them. None of the kids came, which I was content with. It just meant five less people had to see my little amount of mascara wash away from my tears.

When I finished, I returned to my seat and looked to my lap for the last fifteen minutes of the service. I saw Carlisle pass a few tissues my way, and felt Esme pat my shoulder in a comforting way.

Finally, it was over.

People said their last goodbye to my parent's caskets, even if they actually knew my parents or not. Condolences were shared and people left, moving on with their lives. Going back to their normal homes that wouldn't change because of today, while I had to move on without my parents there to help me cope. I would be coping over them.

Once the last person was gone, I stepped up to the caskets myself and took one Orchid from each. I felt bad that all of the beautiful flowers had such a negative connotation to them, and I thought that bringing them back could help me through it.

The Cullen's said that I could take as much time as I needed, but I didn't need much longer. My eyes hurt from the tears, my body was damp from the light rain, and I was beginning to feel nauseous. They were standing by Carlisle's car, under a light grey umbrella, watching me walk with the flowers in my arms.

Esme opened the backdoor for me and I mumbled a thanks to her. We pulled away, and I could take my eyes off of the graveyard, watching from the back window until it was out of sight. "They would have been very proud of you Celeste." Carlisle said once I turned around, probably noticing the fresh tears on my cheeks, "You shared a beautiful memory of them today."

"Then why don't I feel right?" I whispered, clutching the fresh smelling flowers closer.

He raised an eyebrow, his doctor side showing on his face. "Why do you say that?"

I shrugged. "It's just like…now I'm going through motions without feeling. There's obviously some tears and I know where I am, but I don't know if I feel sad or angry anymore."

"When we get home, you can go and lie down for a while." Esme offered comfortingly, "Maybe a little rest will help you to feel better." I didn't have it in me to react, letting my head lull onto the window for the rest of the ride.

It was quiet when we arrived back at the house, not another car in sight. Dr. Cullen offered to take the orchids and put them into a vase for me while Mrs. Cullen led me up to my room and made sure that I got there safely. Sharing that I didn't feel right probably wasn't the best idea with two overprotective parents.

Foster parents.

Once I was alone, I changed right into my pajamas and climbed under the comforter. As soon as my head hit the pillow, my dry eyes closed and I was alone with my thoughts. A few sobs escaped when I would come across a memory of my parents; like the first time I went on the high swings, or my first no-net performance, or when there was a small pool involved. Each one seemed so much more dangerous than what took my parents away, and I couldn't help but cry.

While I thought I was alone through my more painful trip down memory lane, I did feel someone tuck the blankets a little tighter around my shoulder and move some hair away from my forehead.

**000**

Flipping from my stomach, with my face towards the window, I finally gave up trying to stay asleep and opened my eyes. The sun was on its way down, casting a colorful shadow into my room when I sat up.

Through the floor vents in the room, I could hear some loud commotion going on downstairs, indicating that everyone must be home by now. I knew that my hair looked messy, and that my eyes had to be bloodshot, but something in my gut told me that I needed to check it out. After pulling some socks onto my feet, I tiptoed my way around the hardwood floor until I could hear the noises from the South stairs.

My sock-covered feet took them slowly, holding onto the rail with my good arm as I walked down. When I reached the bottom, I was surprised to see the entire Cullen family there. By the island, Rosalie in the middle of explaining something to Jasper and Edward. At the stove, Esme and Carlisle seemed to be making something, possibly popcorn by the sound of it. Finally, Emmett and Alice were at the table, looking like they could be wrapping a ribbon around something.

"Um…what's going on here?" I yawned, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

The tallest Cullen turned around quickly, looking like he could give himself whiplash by how fast he spun. "_Alice_!" He whined, "You said that we'd probably have another five minutes!"

Alice just laughed, shaking her head. "We got everything wrapped, didn't we?"

"Wrapped?" I asked, walking into the kitchen and holding myself. "Is it someone's birthday?"

Carlisle laughed from the stove. "You'll know when it's someone's birthday in this family, Celeste."

"Since the kids couldn't make it to the service," Esme explained, turning around with a bowl of popcorn in her hands, "they thought it would be nice to out together a care package for you."

My eyes were wide in shock. _Why would they go out of the way for this?_ I thought to myself. Before I could voice my question, Alice was leading me to the large purple bag on the table. "Go ahead and open it Elle!" She gushed, taking a seat with a smile.

Not wanting to be rude, I went ahead and untied the curly ribbon to open the present. The first item inside was a pair of silky looking pajamas on top. They were floral print with long sleeves. "Wow, these look soft." I said quietly, holding them up.

"I thought they'd be nice to have." Alice reasoned, her smile not gone from her face. "Every girl needs a nice pajama set." I thanked Alice with a small grin and moved to the next gift inside.

It was a small, but heavy light purple candle. The label said lavender and when I opened the lid, it smelled like fresh flowers. "Rose thought you'd like this one!" Emmett said, wrapping an arm around the blonde at the island.

"Well, thanks Rosalie." I thanked her, not making eye contact, "It's, um, it'll burn good."

When she didn't show any reaction about my thank you, I moved to the item in the care package. It was a heavy, hardcover book with a colorful cover to look over. There was a large elephant on the front and two men who looked like ringmasters on the back. "The history of the Ringling Brothers." Jasper's voice spoke up, making me look from the description of the novel, "I thought it would give you a piece of the circus in Maine."

I felt a few tears in my eyes, but blinked them away before they could fall. "That was really nice of you Jasper, thank you."

The curly haired boy nodded as a way to say 'you're welcome' and I could see a large twinkle in Alice's eye. "C'mon, keep going Ellie!" Emmett cried, "You move so slow!"

I shook my head, a small smile on my face as I moved just a little slower than I already was going to tease him. The next gift was a CD, a Beatle's Greatest Hits CD. The band members were on the cover with gold as the background.

"Edward asked if the CD would be appropriate to gift to you." Carlisle explained hesitantly.

Then it clicked. The Blackbird song was on the CD when I checked the playlist. "It's perfect. Who doesn't like the Beatles, right Edward?"

He just shrugged, looking ready to share a list of said people.

Before I could grab the last thing in the bag, Emmett jumped from his spot and went to grab the purple bag for himself. After rustling around inside, which seemed to be more for dramatics than to grab what he wanted to find, the tall brother pulled out what was inside.

In his hands was a plush, brown animal with huge antlers. "I named him Zeus! Zeus the Moose!" Emmett smiled, holding the animal in his hands, "Hi Elle, it's nice to meet you." He was using a deep voice to try and be the voice for the toy, "I might be named after the God of Lightning, but I'm not too bright."

I took the moose, a smile on my face and a few tears going down my cheeks. "Oh! Hi Zeus. It's nice to meet you too." I squeezed the animal close, trying to swallow a sob. My eyes were squeezed tight as I let a couple more fall out of my eyes, and when I looked up to see the others, there was a genuine smile on my face. "Thank you everyone, you really didn't have to do any of this."

Alice came to give me a hug, nice and tight. "Losing someone can be rough, it's nice to have comfort."

"Part of the Welcoming Committee is to cheer up our lil sis!" Emmett picked the two of us up into a bear hug, causing me to giggle out of shock. "So, get rid of those tears and join us for a movie. I think Jazz found a not-boring history one for us to watch!"


End file.
